End of the Road

There's always something waiting at the end of the road. If you're not willing to see what it is, you probably shouldn't be out there in the first place. Continue reading...

Success = Wealth + Power

That's my dad's definition for success, not mine.

Few years ago, when he was first diagnosed with prostate cancer, he remarked out of the blue, "It's a pity there isn't anyone who is really successful in our family."

Then, I replied nonchalantly, "But Uncle Baun is a senior manager in Deutsche Bank, he is so rich. What about Aunt Lane, she is a judge in the court of law! Certainly they are successful?"

"Well, if you are talking about income and social status, there are bunch of people out there with the same accomplishment, and even better. I meant something more than that, like those who walk the corridor of power, like a prime minister."

"Whoa, wait a minute, did you say the Prime Minister? The head of the government?!" I was dumbfounded.

Come to think of it again today, dad probably wasn't serious about it. You see, there are 195 countries in this world, and therefore 195 head of countries. With a world population of over 6 billion, the probability of you becoming one of those elites is remotely close to zero. You would have a better chance hitting jackpot in Las Vegas.

And also the fact that I have not seen massive numbers of people jumping off buildings/bridges due to failure of getting successful, as defined by dad's equation.

To me, success is merely achieving the goal I intended to attain earlier. It is not a lifelong endeavour, it can occur everyday. Wanting to write a blog post by the end of the day and getting it done is a success.

Everyone has their own goals. And not everybody aspires to become the next prime minister or president, at least not me. If someone's dream is to become a school teacher, so be it. He may not be rich, nor have the political power, but he is successful, when he achieves his goal, which is to become a school teacher.

Success = (achieving whatever goals one set up). Ah, isn't that simple enough?

Sorry dad, I am going to let you down...[grin] Continue reading...

A Walk to Remember

Retracing his steps over and over again in the house, his thoughts drifted back to a year ago…

He was lying on his bed, with his head buried deep into the pillow. He was weeping. Never in his life had he cried so hard until the pillow was soaked with tears. For two days, he concealed himself inside his room, refusing any contact from the outside world. Amidst his absence at work, his boss tried to call him, only to be greeted with a dead ringing tone.

“I have moved on, and you should too.” The girl told him blankly. There wasn’t any heated argument. After months of cold war and knowing that it was already too late to save the relationship, he left the room without uttering a word.

On the third day, he approached his boss to tender his resignation letter. He thought it would be best for him to leave the sad memories behind to start anew, but little did he know how impossible that task would be for him in future.

In the following weeks, he accidentally got to know that the girl was in fact in good terms with another man. In a state of shock, he went into denial mode and tried to comfort himself, “She can’t possibly find herself a new boyfriend in such short interval!”

Nevertheless, the evidence was all written on the wall. Eventually, he confronted her and asked for her confirmation. He wanted the answer from her own mouth.

The girl admitted.

Needless to say, he, with all his male testosterone, was furious. He felt cheated, and betrayed. As rage cruised through his veins, he sent out a hate mail to the girl. After few exchanges, then only he realized that he has not acted rationally and apologized to her.

For days, he would take a stroll in the park. Round and round the park he walked, in the middle of the night. His thoughts dwelled long into the past, he recalled about himself and the girl. Yes, they have had some wonderful time. However, the love between them has been fading away fast lately. They had cold war for days without talking to each other. Somehow, they were like two different entities taking on two diverging paths.

“What has gone wrong?” he questioned himself. Indeed, he was grumpy and insensitive. But she wasn’t without her faults.

“How did the other man get the slightest chance to chip in?” he realized, “If the relationship was not troubled in the first place.” He finally realized that his ignorance and inaction were the deadliest blow to their relationship, and he knew that this truth alone will haunt him forever. As he laid himself on the cold hard cement floor beside the fountain, the falling rain ran over his face, washing away his tears.

After he moved all his belongings into his car, the girl brought their beloved toy poodle to bid farewell to him. It was agreed earlier that she would have the custody of the cute little pooch. He patted the dog. He wanted to give her a hug, but somehow he suppressed the urge and boarded the car after saying goodbye to her. He regretted after that.

Coming back to the present, he stared blankly at the phone. He called her moments ago to wish her happy birthday. Although she did not call him during his birthday, he wanted to do it. He has told her they will be friends forever, and it’s a promise he’s determined to keep.

He bears no grudge against the other man. But he doubts he will ever like the man.

Two years ago on the same day, he wrote her a poem.

My sweet little angel,
I am enamored by you,
By your laughter and your smile,
I could not help but fall deeply in love with you,
You who ensnare my heart.

I still could recall,
That late night on the hill.
The world freezes around us.
I tried to force my lips to move,
To say the three magic words,
To show the feelings I cannot hide,
But words didn’t come so easily,
Although I tried so desperately,
And made a fool of myself.
Then suddenly you nodded,
And I ‘m glad you did,
For I could never find one such as you,
You who make my life worthwhile.

I will always remember,
The day we journeyed through the woods,
Beyond the giant pond,
The path winding up,
Making way for us.
And in these woods we strolled,
Darkness surrounded us,
Brisk cold air embraced us.
There you took my hand,
And I smiled as your fingers,
Danced with mine.

Up on the tallest mountain,
We paused to catch our breath.
As I gazed up above,
Into this blanket of stars,
That reigned overhead,
I felt insignificant, microscopic, trivial,
Then from the corner of my eye,
I viewed a momentary image of beauty,
A falling start, a promise of bliss,
I glanced to my side and your smile,
Warmed my heart and tickled my soul,
I came upon true realization,
Beneath the constellations,
That my life would not be the same,
Without this angle to match the stars.

I move closer and hold you tight,
Looking deep in your eyes to find,
The chemistry that would make us forever bind,
But you shy away and make me miss.
You place a soft hand to my face,
Which cause my heart to pound and race,
You bring your breath so close to mine,
Then whisper only one small line,
You say, “I love you”.
I plant my lips on yours,
As I feel your delicate skin beneath mine.
You slowly blow into my ear,
I grab you by the waist, and bring you near,
As I stroke my hand through your silky hair,
Such pleasure to touch and so soft.

I picture us holding hands,
Walking through this wondrous world,
For suddenly I have no fear,
‘cause I have found the one I search through my life,
The one so lovely, warm and kind,
The one I thought I’d never find.
Yes, heaven is missing an angel,
‘cause you are here with me.

Today, what he has is his memories. The memories seem to cling onto him, or is he refusing to let the memories go.

“Maybe it’s time to let go.”

“No, I definitely must let it go.” he mumbles to himself.

Continue reading...