How to Deal with Naysayers, Complainers and Pessimists

If you read my previous post, you will know that naysayers, complainers, whiners and pessimists turn me off. Most of the time, I would try my best to draw the line, but what if they are someone close to me? I can't possibly distance myself from family members, relatives or best buddies when they are naysayers and chronic complainers, can I?

The following newsletter from Learning Strategies on dealing with naysayers, pessimists and complainers hits the bull's eye:

Do negative people rub you the wrong way? A negative, pessimistic, and complaining person can wear on your nerves and deplete your energy faster than you realize.

And trying to change their attitude wastes even more of your energy. Your effort has no chance of success when they do not want to cooperate.

When you believe that positive thinking is desirable and negative thinking is undesirable, then you are empowering people to irritate you when they think and talk in negative ways.

Dr. Al Siebert, author of The Survivor Personality and our Resiliency personal learning course, calls that kind of thinking "The Theme Song of the Human Race."

This belief, "If only other people would change, things would be much better for me," may indeed be correct, he says, but it also makes it possible for negative people to control you. When others are negative they can upset you, cause you to spend time and energy trying to cope with their negativism, and frustrate your positive efforts.

The solution to regaining control is not to change them but to change how you respond to them.

Start by giving the negative person permission to be here on Earth the way they are.

"When you feel frustrated or feel an energy drain, treat the difficulty as a test in the school of life," Al says. "Look at it as an opportunity to learn about your blind spots. Appreciate opportunities to learn better ways of handling people who knock you off balance emotionally."

Next, replace the thought "If only they would change, my life would be much better" with questions.

Ask, "How might I respond differently so that I am less vulnerable? What could I do to regain control? How can I handle negativity in positive ways?"

When someone says something negative, try one of the following:

* Say, "You may be right," then change the subject.

* Pretend you didn't hear them. Attention is a big payoff for people with pessimistic attitudes, so stop reacting to their negative statements. Withdraw attention. Be selectively impolite.

* Be playful. Say, "It's much worse than you know." Describe more things to be upset about, and then be quiet or leave.

* Say, "Now that you've identified the problem, what is your plan for dealing with it?"

* See the benefit of their negative thinking. Develop an appreciation for the ability of chronically pessimistic people to see potential risks and problems that others overlook.

* Make the negative person a useful resource. Ask them to help you anticipate difficulties. If you thank them for their critical thinking, your relationship will probably improve.

Rehearse what you might say the next time you are around a negative person. Notice how much more in control you feel when you develop a positive plan of action.

The key to making your life better is to stop blaming others for triggering reactions in you that you don't like and to focus instead on discovering better ways to respond. When you change how you react, your emotional strain is reduced.
Continue reading...

Don't Listen to Naysayers

It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena;
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again...
who knows the great enthusiasms,
the great devotions,
and spend himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end
the triumph of high achievement;
and who, at the worst,
if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls
who know neither victory nor defeat.

-Theodore Roosevelt, 1910

There will always come a time in life when you decide to change your status quo. It could be a career change, a move to a foreign city, or simply any new venture that departs from your existing state of affairs. As usual with making any important decisions, you will want to seek advice and opinion from family members, friends and colleagues.

Take their opinions, particularly objections with a grain of salt.

Now, I am not proposing that you abruptly reject their objections. Listen to what they have to say. Most of the time, family members shoot down your wondrous proposal because they have your best interest at heart. They might think that your idea is badly made and it would not work as intended. Analyze their opinions. They may not be right all of the time. If you still think your idea is viable, by all means, go ahead. But do take steps to reassure those who have different opinions, just to ease their worry.

Contrary to those who have your best interest at heart, you will probably have a couple of people in your life who constantly rant and whine about the most insignificant inconveniences. Having poor and downbeat attitude, they always view the glass half empty. Due to their pessimism, they seldom leave their comfort zone, and will be the last one to take up new challenges. They are the naysayers.

As soon as you bring up your doubt, these naysayers will stop at nothing to bring a sense of negativity to the situation. This doesn't mean they have had bad experiences before and are now harping about it, trying to save you from repeating the same mistakes. They just feel uncomfortable at your endeavour.

I do not approve of naysayers. They are those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat. I'd rather try and fail than do nothing. We as human beings learn from mistakes. An infant will fall before he learns to walk. We must be willing to make mistakes.

When you come across this type of people, ignore them. Their negative comments do not contain any real value and only work to sabotage your attempt, hindering you from reaching the next level.

Can you identify anyone in your life who fits the above descriptions? Continue reading...