4 Pernicious Phases that Kill a Relationship

The following is an excerpt from Awaken the Giant Within : How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny!Chapter 21.

In her book How to Make Love All the Time, my friend Dr. Barbara DeAngelis identifies four pernicious phases that can kill a relationship. By identifying them, we can immediately intervene and eliminate problems before they baloon into destructive patterns that threaten the relationship itself.

Stage One, Resistance: The first phase of challenges in a relationship is when you begin to feel resistance. Virtually anyone who's ever been in a relationship has had times when they felt resistance toward something their partner said or did. Resistance occurs when you take exception or feel annoyed or a bit separate from this person. Maybe at a party they tell a joke that bothers you and you wish they hadn't. The challenge, of course, is that most people don't communicate when they're feeling a sense of resistance, and as a result, this emotion continues to grow until it becomes...

Stage Two, Resentment: If resistance is not handled, it grows into resentment. Now you're not just annoyed; you're angry with your partner. You begin to separate yourself from them and erect an emotional barrier. Resentment destroys the emotion of intimacy, and this is a destructive pattern within a relationship that, if unchecked, will only gain speed. If it is not transformed or communicated, it turns into...

Stage Three, Rejection: This is the point when you have so much resentment built up that you find yourself looking for ways to make your partner wrong, to verbally or non-verbally attack them. In this phase, you begin to see everything they do as irritating or annoying. It's here that not only emotional separation occurs, but also physical separation as well. If rejection is allowed to continue, to lessen our pain, we move to...

Stage Four, Repression: When you are tired of coping with the anger that comes with rejection phase, you try to reduce your pain by creating emotional numbness. You avoid feeling any pain, but you also avoid passion and excitement. This is the most dangerous phase of a relationship because this is the point at which lovers become roommates - no one else knows the couple has any problems because they never fight, but there's no relationship left.

What's the key to preventing these "Four R's"? The answer is simple: communicate clearly up front. Make sure your rules are known and can be met. To avoid blowing things out of proportion, use Transformational Vocabulary. Talk in terms of preferences: instead of saying, "I can't stand it when you do that!" say, "I'd prefer it if you did this instead." Develop pattern interrupts to prevent the type of argument where you can't even remember what it's about anymore, only that you've got to win. Continue reading...

Gone Forever

It was sad to abandon my personal blog and Aperture Photography blog for a few months due to busy schedule. It is even more heartbreaking to come back now just to tell about something tragic.

My car, which has served me faithfully for more than 5 years, was stolen on Thursday.

I was bewildered when I found out my car was not in the parking lot. I could remember where I parked it in the morning, and the parking lot was mostly empty at the time I came back from office. The moment I stepped into the parking lot and couldn't spot it from a distance, I had a bad hunch. A few more rounds of checking confirmed it - My car is gone.

Continue reading...

Alone on Penang Bridge

Months after I made my solo descend from Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuary, I found myself alone, again, on an endless stretch of road.

This time, I was not in the wilderness with an adjacent graveyard. I was on one of the biggest megastructure in Malaysia - Penang Bridge that spans 13 kilometers.

Penang Bridge Internation Marathon, held once per year, is the only time you will find the bridge closed for traffic.

There was no single soul in my line of sight. As I sat there on the cold rough road, I was finally at ease. No man is an island, but for that brief moment, I had a complete sense of solitude. A calm feeling that was in stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of a metropolitan life.

Unlike Sasanarakkha Buddhist Sanctuary trip where I ended up in cold sweat and goosebumps, I was happy I started the 10km walk. Continue reading...

Leonid Meteor Shower

More than 10 years ago during my secondary school years, I moved the couch outdoor to the porch in the middle of the night. Coupled with some blankets to keep myself warm and the mosquitoes away, I sat there and waited. Seconds passed. Then minutes. And hours. Not a single meteor appeared. Definitely no meteor shower. I was duped! (or maybe I fell asleep ;p)

That was Leonid Meteor Shower too. I can remember because, well, I'm Leo, the lion.

Today, Leonid Meteor Shower is posed for a comeback. And a grand one it is. Astronomers are predicting as many as 500 meteors per hour. Although the number is nothing compared to the ultimate Leonid Meteor Shower in 1833 with hundred thousands of meteors that literally lighted up the night sky, the number is still relatively a lot more compared to the last couple of years.

This year, the best place to observe Leonid Meteor Shower is Asia. The full Leonid peak will occur at predawn hours.

Let me see, Asia. Yes, I'm in Asia. Check.

Predawn hours. No problem, I have an alarm clock. Check.

Camera to capture the show. Check.

Camera battery fully charged. Check.

Empty memory card to record the whole sequence. Check.

Knowledge to operate the camera. Check.

Clear night sky...

Damn, it has been raining whole night. The past few nights as well. I have everything readied, except this one thing that is out of my control.

Where've you been, clear sky? Continue reading...

Dear Diary

I'm sorry. I know I have missed the quota last month, and it was entirely my own wrongdoing. It all started with an innocent "I will do it later", then it swiveled out of control and I was soon lazing on the couch, stargazing, wandering in parks and before I knew it, I went for walk in the country where they built wall that stretches thousand of kilometers.

I know, I know, I procrastinate again. You don't have to yell at me. It does't help..

Anyway, I checked with editor-in-chief, and he has given me the approval to make it up the missed quota last month by writing more this month. No penalty or salary cut whatsoever, he's a nice guy, that editor-in-chief. Continue reading...